When I first started working as a divorce attorney, I was so confused at the way traditional divorce court works; it didn’t make any sense why people are pitted against each other, to say bad things about the other person just to “win.” It felt extremely destructive me, but I didn’t know there were other ways for people to divorce, such as Mediation and Collaborative Divorce.
I have a more personal reason why it bothered me though, because of the destruction from my own parents’ divorce in 1978. I never want any children to feel the way I felt growing up, the way I still sometimes feel. I don’t ever want a child to be at their graduation and not be able to find one of their parents, because the parents can’t be near one another.
The first time I heard of Collaborative Divorce it was if a light bulb went on in my head. Why haven’t we always been working as a team to help parents learn to co-parent. Why haven’t we always been trying to work through conflict rather than creating more.
Divorce is hard, period. Collaborative Divorce is hard also…but it allows people to have some difficult conversations, rather than hide behind their divorce attorneys. It allows for people to start working through conflict, rather than creating more.
If I could tell divorcing parents one thing, it would be to pick a process that is supportive of your kids and ongoing family. Even at 50 years old, there is still sadness because of my parent’s divorce. Working with families in the Collaborative Process, Mediation and out-of-court divorce, continues to help heal my heart.
And if the attorney you consult with doesn’t tell you there are other options, consult with someone who does.